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The 'Exhaustion' Defense: Do You Buy It? -- Wednesday's Woman

Posted by Gayle Kesten Wednesday, Jul 22, 2009, 12:29 PM ET

The story of a working mom who permitted two tweens to take three younger children for an afternoon at their local Montana mall has sparked an online outcry I haven't seen since the Mommy Wars.

Bridget Kevane, who wrote about her story in the summer issue of Brain, Child magazine, was charged with child endangerment at the time of the incident, now two years ago. What happened? The tweens left the kids in one area of a department store while they went to try on clothes. Store employees saw the young trio by themselves (including a 3-year-old in a stroller), called mall security, and soon after Kevane and her husband were heading to the mall.

As Kevane recounts, on the day her 12-year-old daughter and same-age friend asked to go the mall, "I said yes, if they took the younger kids with them. On that particular day, I was exhausted. The children wanted an activity, and I wanted a couple of hours of quiet and rest."

Kevane, a college professor, attributed her exhaustion to everything a working parent can relate to: career and family demands. (Personally I'm in my own state of summer stress juggling the two.) Long story short -- and worth the read -- after a year of fighting the charges, Kevane acquiesced to an agreement with prosecutors that avoided her going through a trial and possible jail time. Yet she remains firm against the charges brought against her:

"For all the times that I was not the 'good' parent, I am guilty; for all the times that I did not respond perfectly to my children’s needs, I am guilty. For all the times that I’ve not given them enough of me, I am guilty. For feeling constantly torn between so many daily demands, trying to make it all work, but knowing that I sometimes fall short, I am guilty. But of knowingly putting my children in harm’s way by letting them go to the mall alone? Not guilty."

And that's where the debate picks up. Free-Range Kids blogger Lenore Skenazy doesn't think Kevane did anything wrong. "While I can understand that some people think 12 is too young to be responsible for younger kids -- that's certainly what the Bozeman authorities believed -- somewhere between 40 - 80% of the world's population is raised by older siblings," she says.

An opinion piece by Judith Warner in The New York Times raises the issue of the social acceptability of hatred against educated women. "This simmering resentment is common and pervasive in our culture right now," Warner says. "The idea that women with a 'major education' think they’re better than everyone else, have a great sense of entitlement, feel they deserve special treatment, and are too out of touch with the lives of 'normal' women to have a legitimate point of view, is a 21st-century version of the long-held belief that education makes women uppity and leads them to forget their rightful place."

Meanwhile, NewsBusters blogger Clay Waters takes exception with the way Kevane "paints herself as a victim," and thinks Warner's portrayal is off-base, too.

The Washington Post's Stacey Garfinkle, whose column first pointed me to this story, expresses a drop of empathy toward Kevane -- "Did she feel for that year of fighting like a failure in the work-life balance juggle? Absolutely. Don't we all have those moments?" -- but otherwise reserves judgment.

Click on the links to the stories I've highlighted; tons of people have voiced their opinions. As for mine, I could never envision myself making the same decision that placed Kevane in such a spotlight. Being an exhausted working mom, which I am, has nothing to do with it. What does? I still remember the day police found what remained of Adam Walsh. Ironically, I was nearly the same age as Kevane's daughter and was at the mall when the news broke. Oh, and I was with my mom.

Please let me know your thoughts in the Comments area below.

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