SmallBizResource Blog -- Women in Business

Wednesday's Woman: The Delicate Art Of Giving Constructive Criticism

Posted by Gayle Kesten Wednesday, Feb 25, 2009, 03:05 PM ET

Perhaps I hang with a sensitive bunch, but constructive criticism is a real toughie for most of my working women sisters.

Because no matter how you spin it, constructive criticism is still criticism. It stings when you're on the receiving end. If you're like me, then that sting can take a long time to wear off, even though I logically know the input is meant to help (and, darn it, stop being such a baby).

On the flip side, being the bearer of constructive criticism isn't much fun, either. "It's a little nerve-wracking," admits a longtime colleague, who, other than a few brain lapses during pregnancy, never misses a beat.

Yet as uncomfortable and awkward as that conversation may be, you gotta do what you gotta do. I thought the following eight tips from Huffington Post blogger Karen Salmansohn were worthy of passing on because in the smallest of workplaces, especially, where the personal and professional easily intertwine, feelings can be hurt and the repercussions of those hurt feelings magnified in the business' operation and bottom line.

1. Choose the right time and place. Make sure you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time. Be certain you're in a location where you can talk openly.

2. Explain the benefit of talking up front. Admit that talking about a difficult subject can be uncomfortable, but you'd rather have a difficult conversation now than a decaying, untruthful relationship later.

3. Be specific. Psychologists agree it's best to limit your talk to one specific recent event or topic which has been bugging you and resist mentioning a multitude of past offenses.

4. Start sentences with "I," not "you." The goal: Own your feelings; don't slander the other person.

5. Avoid using words like "angry" or "furious." Try to talk about your feelings with words like "disappointed" or "confused." You will keep the mood more calm.

6. Steve Covey's philosophy of "SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD" is timeless. When you've finished your initial self- expression, tell the other person you are truly eager to understand things from their point of view. Then become eager. Try to get yourself to become more curious than you are furious.

7. Set time blocks. Alternate 5-minute time blocks of "expression non-interruptus" until you both feel you've been heard.

8. End on a positive note. Create an upside to talking so that you and the other person will want to talk again in the future, should the need arise. Close the conversation by listing all the positive things you learned from communicating. Make a list of the actions you both will try to do to keep your relationship as strong as possible.

One more from me: There's such thing as being too diplomatic so that you don't get your message across. My nature is to spare another person from the self-torture I've mastered, but doing so often downplays the intent of the conversation in the first place.

How do you handle constructive criticism, from both the perspective of being the one dishing it out and being the one taking it?

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The Wednesday's Woman series is written for today's community of hard-working, small-business women, featuring profiles, industry trends, research, work/life balance issues and other topics of interest.

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